Oral History Reflection
The interviewing process is something that I looked forward to completing. Proceeding with the creative non-fiction option, I chose to interview my mom, Brenda. I conducted many previous interviews, but this was my first time interviewing my mom. Moreover, it was my first time interviewing someone about an issue that held significant value and was full of emotion. I was somewhat apprehensive and hesitant about approaching my mom to go through with this, knowing her deep and secretive connection to her brother. Prior to conducting the interview, my mother was open about her brother’s disease, but she never revealed the process she had endured through the journey of his diagnosis. This, to me, was the most significant struggle of the interviewing process. I wasn’t sure if the questions I was going to ask would pain her or hurt her in some way. This is something I never intended to do; however, throughout the interview I sadly watched her eyes well up with tears, her head sink down with guilt, and her shoulders tense up with anxiety. I, unintentionally, dug up archaic tragedies, events, and feelings that had been hidden away in her dusty attic of childhood memories.
Although I felt awkwardly responsible for causing my mother to rehash all of these painful experiences, the end result was cathartic for her. I watched her transition from feeling sorrow to feeling relief. After each interview session with her, she would end by saying, “It’s nice to talk about this.” Hearing her say this was, undoubtedly, the most rewarding aspect of the interview. Often times, it’s hard for us, as human beings, to open up old wounds and expose them for others to see, but my mother was courageous enough to let go and allow me to witness her past. I am grateful for her willingness to trust the system and for giving me the opportunity to create a worthwhile non-fiction story from it. I treasure her vulnerability.
What I have provided are four themes that emerged from my raw and uncut interviews with my mother. The first of which, I opted to forego, but the last three themes will remain dominant throughout my creative non-fiction piece.
Theme: Nature Vs. Nurture“My dad was verbally abusive to Wally. I remember one time he called him a pansy for wearing his hair long.”“Ironically, Wally didn’t like all the things I liked. I liked dirt-biking, swimming in the lake, and jet skiing, so my dad would spend a lot of time with me taking me to places like Batsto Lake and Garrison Lake, but Wally never went with us. He didn’t enjoy fishing and boating like we did.”“My dad always thought Wally was lazy. He never turned out to be what my father wanted him to be, but really it was just his sickness.”“I always said if he got the help he needed he would have been ok."
Theme: Romanticizing Older Siblings Fogs Reality“My brother was so smart that he learned how to play the guitar with his right hand, but he was left-handed. By the time Wally was about to turn nine, his instructor said, ‘I can’t teach him anymore. He knows all there is to know.’”“He was the youngest member in a band called the Iron Horse. He was the lead guitarist when they won Battle of the Bands in Hammonton. Me and my girlfriends would watch them play in our basement. We wanted to be just like them.”“To me, my brother was brilliant. He could play music, write it, hear a song and mimic it to the tee.”“I always said he was the smarter one out of the two of us.”
Theme: Different Isn’t Always Bad“I absolutely knew he was different. It was quite apparent.”“He didn’t have a lot of friends. He would do his drawings in his room by himself.”“I knew he was socially backward, but to me he was just my brother.”“I never felt sorry for him.”“He didn’t like the things I liked, but we still got along for the most part. We would always play “First One Out of the Living Room” and our wrestling game where he would teach me real wrestling moves.”“I felt like my father picked on him. Isn’t that terrible?”
Theme: Mental Illness“He first heard voices in his head when he was 19. That’s when he first cracked.”“He would get up extra early and spend four hours in the bathroom getting ready.”“Dr. Mobilio, his psychiatrist, believed that based on his symptoms and behavior that Wally was a Schizophrenic with Bipolar tendencies.”“He was admitted into the crisis center at 22.”
Reflecting back, I have a newfound appreciation for the interviewing process and I believe that there is something new to be discovered through each encounter.